War on Women: Really? Really.

25 Oct

BEWARE: I did not edit this. It is not just angry, it is livid writing. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Women are being scorned by politicians, RIGHT NOW.. I’m DONE. There is offensive language and offensive imagery.. You might be offended if you are deeply religious. Also, sexual assault triggers as well. This is probably the angriest piece I have ever written for the public. You have fair warning. It is one stream of conscious. Look, normally I tone it way down but sometimes people will not hear you.. unless they hear the anger. And I hope this makes you (or someone) stop to think about why what I’m talking about here is so damaging and is so hurtful.

You know, it’s like a war. I think Americans forget what war means sometimes.. what it REALLY means. Who is the victim? Who is devastated.. who is actually on the other end of that UGLY road to hell paved with good intentions. You should see the bodies.. because you’ll never forget and think twice the next time.

Instead of writing all those posts on Facebook, I’ve decided to write here. It makes sense, doesn’t it? A lot is going on in American politics right now. Election year is here. The election, actually, is 2 weeks away (though you can vote early if you choose to). I took a hiatus for a few years from politics (read: burnt out, angry) until this year called me back. This year called me back because I felt threatened by the things politicians were saying and doing.. Even some non-profits. By threatened, I don’t mean I felt personally threatened but the ideas that are being tossed around with little consideration are dangerous for us all.

For years, I truly thought people were nuts when they claimed there was a war on women. Wait, what? Why? I can do whatever I want! I have done lots of things and I’ve never felt undervalued! You know what? That’s because I had a fairly protective bubble around me, even after college. I was with a circus for a while and there, it was pretty safe. It was a “small town.” If you did something wrong, someone would hear about it and do something about it. It’s a safe place.

Though now that I think of it, I remember one time, these latino men were betting on who could kiss me (I was dating someone and they knew it). Someone tried to tell me that’s what they were saying in Spanish. I was tipsy. I didn’t believe it.. Who would do that? Guess what? They did. One of the guys marched right over and kissed me. I told my then boyfriend about it. He certainly scared them (thank goodness).. but you know, we all sort of brushed it off as “boys will be boys.”

Now? I know better.

You don’t know how many times men (it hasn’t ever been a woman but there are most certainly cases of that) feel they have a right to my body. Friends, strangers, even romantic partners (yes, even them). My former friend who raped me .. hadn’t even occurred to him that was what he had done until I asked why he raped me. It wasn’t physically violent. There was no choking (that I know of) or anything like that.. no slapping, no tying me up. No, it was quietly while I was sleeping at his parents house. I’ve had a friend tell me that because I posed nude for art classes and artists that I should give him pictures. It wasn’t fair, he said (because other people had seen me naked! WHY CAN’T HE?!). He was drunk.. and I cut him out of my life forever. I’ve had a romantic partner literally throw a temper tantrum leaving myself and friends at the dinner table because I told him to let go of me. He felt “betrayed” I did not want him to grab me and kiss me in front of everyone. As if my body belongs to him. Newsflash: Our bodies belong to ourselves and NO ONE ELSE.

So what does this have to do with sex? This is rape and molestation you’re describing!
It has everything to do with it.
Right now, there are politicians who claim there are such things as “legitimate” rape and some girls “rape easy”( POLITICIANS. You know, people of the public. We make jokes about them being slimy -like lawyers- but we bet on them anyway.. to do the right thing).
I guess that’s why my friend felt it was okay to push himself into my mouth. Guess he thought he was fine. Because after all, we had sex once so I MUST WANT IT ALL THE TIME AND IT’S ALWAYS FOR THE TAKING!! He must have an all access pass I wasn’t aware I’d given out. Why, if I’m just something to fuck then by all means, slide that all access pass right between my tits and have a go, won’t you? And my partner? By all means, since we were together, you can just touch me whenever YOU like.. I don’t matter one bit. I’m just a fuck machine, can’t you see?!

Politicians who say that some people “rape easy,” that there are “emergency rapes” (that one was said by a woman), that there are “legitimate rapes” (Please tell me, which sexual assault was legitimate and which one wasn’t? I’d love to know. I want to make sure I get it right. I mean, I’m just a woman, what do I know about sexual assault?).. so there must be.. illegitimate rape?

I’ve heard it implied that by default a woman is basically to not be believed. By default, when a woman is in charge of her sexual agency, she must be like the black widow.. Out to gobble up every male that crosses her path. If she chooses to have fun sexually, clearly “she’s gonna get it” one day. And it’s thoughts like this that make the “some women rape easy” .. well easy to say. Some deserve it more than others. Some are less raped than others (The most believed rape? If you are a Christian white girl who physically fought off her attacker. Then okay, it’s legit! Score for you Christian white ladies! Oh wait, you’d have to be single because if you are married, you’re sexually active and were sending off those “sex” vibes. Sorry! You lose! Less raped).

If you can’t tell… I’m pissed. I’m furious. Because if this is how they think, this is how they will write legislation (and choose which ones to support).

The idea that rape is EVER sex is infuriating. And you should be pissed too.. you don’t need to be a woman to be pissed. Everyone is danger with this kind of thinking. Be pissed that rapists are getting away with these excuses every time. They most always come to the defense of the rapist “but.. I mean.. did you.. make out with him? oor? I mean, i’ts not your fault.. I just.. You know, it’ can’t be TOTALLY his fault.”

Yes. Sometimes it is. Sometimes, believe it or not Republicans, the blame CAN lie SOLELY on ONE PERSON (side rant: Ironic how Republicans are all for responsibility, especially when it comes to any time you  might be a victim, but helping out the poor, the single parent?! Forget it!).

There are politicians that want to change the definition of rape. There are plenty of politicians who want to say abortion is okay “only in the case of rape of incest.”

… I understand why someone would want to limit abortions as much as possible (hey, me too!).. but do you have ANY FUCKING idea what you put a victim of rape or incest through? Something we’d honestly love to keep private but because you spread ignorance and AWFULNESS now we HAVE to speak up.

Hmm.. lets think for a second. In order to prove I was raped, I have to file a police report. Rape is one of the most under reported crimes. Why? Why? That’s so awful! Because apparently there are some girls who “rape easy” (so, doesn’t count if THEY report rape) and some rapes are “legitimate” and of course.. some aren’t.. Because really, this whole women’s liberation movement is just out to bring men down. They view men as the enemy and well, they’re willing to lie or exaggerate the truth to put a dude in jail.


So when I report? It means shit. It means utter shit.

My next guess is that if there were any amendments made to legalized abortion to be allowed only in the case of rape or incest, they’d ask.. “Well.. but.. I mean.. did your father really rape you.. or did you try and turn him on? I mean.. it’s legitimate rape, right?”

“I mean.. he’s your husband.. soooo.. are you sure? I mean.. you DO have sex with him right? He was drunk? Oooh well.. you know when a guy gets horny.. you’re his wife.. who is he supposed to turn to?”


Fuck. You.

Probably from reading this, you probably think I’m a man hater simply because I raise my voice.. So i can be HEARD over this nonsense happening.  I’m not. I love men. I think men are AWESOME. I think the way we treat sexual assault (often viewed as “wild women” who just won’t own up to the consequences of being sexual; because a female’s sexual freedom means she will likely suffer from rape and should expect it. THINK I’M EXAGGERATING??!! Remember the Kansas senator who said women should plan ahead for rape?) .. Ahem, sorry. Let’s start that sentence over. I think the way we treat sexual assault is terrible. Like it’s sex gone bad. Like it’s the sex women feel ashamed of and now just want to claim “rape.” I think the way society treats women is CRAP. I didn’t think it was that bad, honestly. Not until the last few years.

Oh sure, it’s worse in other countries, Americans (and I’ve experienced that shit, not once, not twice but oh joy THREE times in which I was treated like I deserved no consideration whatsoever. All of which happened in solid relationship. Friendships and romantic) … but it’s right here, too. Don’t brush it off. Don’t you dare say no one is really oppressed in this country. I have the least of it (being white and female has it’s privileges).

This year alone there were 944 pieces of legislation meant to control women’s bodies (Oooh senator! You’re so riiiiight. I’ve NO idea what to do with this thing down here.. Best YOU tell me what to do! 😉) This year’s featured things like “Conception! 2 Weeks Before It Actually Occurs!” (I suppose if you believe it’s possible a woman could be impregnated by a ghost  and remain a virgin, by all means, that would make sense). I’m tired of being talked to like I am an evil human being for supporting CHOICE and like I’m a CHILD who cannot comprehend what an abortion IS. I know what it is. So does every woman who has gone through one. Stop being AN ASSHOLE and SHOVING it in their face about how AWFUL it is. It’s bad ENOUGH without you rubbing their fucking nose in it and SHAMING them.

Did you know that in 31 states a rapist has legal rights to see the child that is produced via rape?
*thumbs up*

Why does the rapist get SO many rights. Why?

I saw a teenage girl claim that if girls wanted to be treated like ladies (and find decent men) they should dress like one. Politely as I could (and mindful of her age and lack of experience), I told her this was a dangerous thought. Even if she found slutty clothing offensive, never, under ANY circumstances should you suggest a woman (or ANYONE) should  not be treated well.. regardless. Never… because it is dangerous. It is excuses rapists, it excuses misogyny, it excuses disrespect. Flat out. It is NOT up to you to decide if a girl wearing slutty clothes respects herself or not. Often it has very little to do with what she wears (I never hear about fully clothed women who absolutely hate themselves being taunted) and all how she thinks.

And if she is wearing something that you consider slutty, please note, more than likely it’s probably because she thought the damn dress was cute and fuck! It looks GREAT on her. Stop putting your sisters down.

And for the record? Every time I was assaulted.. it was by people I trusted, and I was fully clothed. No revealing anything. Ironically, it was AFTER my clothing taste became more conservative.

So take THAT and smoke it. Assholes.


3 Responses to “War on Women: Really? Really.”

  1. elliegta October 26, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    Awesome rant!!! You rock…! I’m Canadian and did not know that the discussion on abortion in the US was about ‘cases of rape and incest’…arrrghhh! Feckin’ IDIOTS!

    • April Lee October 26, 2012 at 9:02 am #

      Thanks! How did you find this post? And oh man… You wouldn’t believe the stuff they’re trying to do. It is NUTS. It seems like every week a new, horrendous comment is made about rape by Republicans.

  2. Cai October 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm #

    Excellent, just excellent. It boggles my fucking brain that these people have been put in power and remain so after spouting off such dangerous and disgusting bigotry.

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