What Makes For Edgy Sex?

17 Nov

This evening I read another blogger’s response to seeing the film, “The Sessions.” It’s about a sex surrogate. I had no idea they existed. I wondered, what is the difference between a sex surrogate and a prostitute? I suppose that, in theory, prostitution is less intimate and less focused on healing than a sex surrogate would be. We, the blogger, a mutual friend and I, decided that sex surrogacy is kind of like a sex therapist .. but perhaps a step farther.

I’m still new to this idea and I’m incredibly excited to have run across it.
Because who doesn’t like the idea of healthy sex?

In this blog post I read this evening (which I cannot link to since it is a private blog), the author asked, “What is edgy sex?” What is edgy about sex anymore? To be honest, I had no idea. I’ve heard “just about everything.” Years ago, I was a phone sex operator. It was just before the recession hit. I thought I’d give it a try. It sounded interesting. And why not? As long as it doesn’t cross my personal boundaries or compromise my morals, it’s safe and okay. Perhaps one day I’ll write a book about it.. because men are not talking about the things you think they’d talk about.. and they are. It was eye opening to say the least.

So I wondered, too. What makes for edgy sex anymore? Honestly, I think it’s intimate sex. I disagree with the author that the kind of sex young people are having now are more damaging than abstinence programs. If anything, I’d say it’s close or.. I couldn’t compare the two at all.. Or they’re exactly the same. I don’t see anything different between telling young men and women that keeping the vagina pure (i.e. no penetration) is the end all, be all, of being a good person. That’s shit. However, I don’t think that today’s porn is helping, at all. I don’t think the average sex shown in porn is any less misogynistic than abstinence programs.

For example, I once had this one night stand with this guy who probably thought it was hot to shove my head down on himself. I stopped him and said no. 3 times. It happened in various acts throughout the night. Not too many, but enough for me to be irritated.  Of course, because I had to say no 3 times.. more than once, that was the first and ONLY time I chose to have sex with him.

It was strange because I could see multiple things happening. He was a “nice dude” who “just watched too much porn” and seriously didn’t understand that you have to earn the right to push my head down for a blow job. Seriously. You do. But I know this kind of sexual behavior is now expected of women. I mean, it probably was before too but I don’t know. I’m just talking about my experiences. Anyway, I see this all the time in porn. I used to think that extreme porn was hot.. but honestly? It’s boring. It’s very, very boring. There is no real passion.. Amateur porn is far better and I think that’s why we’re seeing such an increase of interest. I think a lot of people would much rather see sex between couples than between strangers who are paid to fuck each other (seriously, what is the difference between this and prostitution again? And yet, porn is relatively socially acceptable.. and prostitution is not).

He was surprised when I asked him what porn he watched. Genuinely surprised. He was a few years younger than myself. Really? It was so obvious.

An aggressive, sexually dominant partner is really hot (especially for someone who identifies as being very feminine) because that person has earned the right to be that way.. because also, the submissive person “knows” they can trust their dominant partner.. and vica versa.

Trust makes edgy sex, it turns out. It’s an important part of intimacy.. and vulnerability.
And make no mistake, one night stands can have those elements. That has also happened for me in my life, as well.. Though people tend to think this is not possible. I don’t know why. Perhaps I’ve experienced a lot of good things.. that were seemingly impossible.

Anyway, it’s not whips and chains or cross dressing or orgies or cigarette burns or handcuffs that make for edgy sex.. Its what is behind all of this.

People actively engaging with other.
That’s hot.

2 Responses to “What Makes For Edgy Sex?”

  1. danrapson November 17, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    Great job, kiddo! You still have great insights to share. With the challenges in the past couple years I am more and more amazed at how terrifically you write. Makes it even more hot!!! Hahaha

    Be well;peace…dan

    • April Lee November 18, 2012 at 3:29 am #

      Hahaha! Thanks Dan ^_^ You know, I think experience is what allows us to delve deeper.. or not. I know people who choose to let it close them up. They are my shinning example of what not to be. Still figuring out the other stuff.

      Anyway, thanks for always being supportive 🙂

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