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That Porn Article

25 Oct

So this post has been going around:

Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed

Admittedly, I’ve been avoiding it a little bit. In principle, I like porn. Human beings gettin’ it on AND I get to watch AND they WANT me to watch? Yes, please. That sounds like a fantastic time (with someone or by myself). You could say I grew up watching porn-as soon as I was able to think about searching for porn and brave enough to actually do it, I did (don’t worry; plenty of my guy friends were all about “helping” me with this. No sweat). But porn 12-15 years ago was nothing like it is today. And porn in the early 2000’s is vastly different from the porn of the ’70s ’80s and ’90s.

The first porno I saw was at a sleepover birthday party (the friend was religious; go figure). I’ll never forget that flopping penis with hair everywhere attached to a man running through the fields. That image is burned in my brain forever. We couldn’t watch past it too much because we were feeling uncomfortable, not sure of what to do and too giggly.

Later on as an adult, I began to explore quite a bit. At one point, I was a huge Rocco Siffredi fan. I wish I could say I liked his earlier stuff the best but really, it was the darker stuff he began shooting later on in his career.

Exploring sexuality is important but we have normalized violence. There’s a fine line that’s crossed between both (or multiple) partners enjoying the danger and nastiness or taboo of something and like what the author of the post above points out: the fake smiles and false enjoyment. Once that’s burned into your brain, it normalizes it. It sets up a pattern of what is okay and acceptable. The brain is easily programmable (a gift and a curse): associate pleasure with someone else’s pain and we have a serious issue on our hands.

More sadistic porn will teach young men to derive pleasure from causing women pain — and I’m not talking about BDSM. I’m talking about “vanilla” porn where men fuck women in ways that hurt them. Jenna Jameson describes one of her more “epic” porn scenes with TT Boy in her autobiography:

He raced through the foreplay — a little kissing a little oral sex — then all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard that it took every ounce of control I had to stay focused and in the moment…. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot straight into my mouth. I wasn’t expecting him to pop so soon.

From Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed by Emma Lindsay

It is too frustrating and painful to watch most of the porn that’s out there. I’m hard pressed to find GOOD footage of a man seriously pleasure the hell out of a woman. Sometimes girl on girl porn will suffice but the obvious faking of it it just.. too annoying. There are very few (free) videos of a man enjoying licking and sucking a woman’s body parts and if it’s a decent scene, it’s short and she’s sucking his cock for a while. I can never watch the whole thing: I scan through to see where it goes.  Most of it is the guy fucking the woman hard.. Spreading her out..

Sometimes I get angry and yell back. OF COURSE she’s now sucking his cock for the next 10 goddamn minutes and then he fucks and spreads her in a multitude of ways and that’s fucking it. It’s always about the cock in mainstream porn.

*****

Men learned to get turned on by female suffering, and women expect to get turned on by their own suffering. But, suffering sucks, and a lot of women eventually decide they’d rather not have sex than suffer whenever they do.

From Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed by Emma Lindsay

And that.. is the kicker. As a woman who prided herself for a long time on being able to “hang with the boys” in all areas of life (completely suppressing my femininity unless it was for sex-then I was all about the female charm), that hits home. Eventually, you start to feel worthless and inhuman because you can’t keep up anymore.

I’ll explore this a little more later but I’m curious to hear your thoughts on it, how you feel about the subject and you’ve experienced any of it.

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She Asked Him to Cheat, With Her

12 Sep

Sorry for the week of absence. Holiday weekend paired with an evil cold. Scratch that; two evil colds all because I have a difficult time resting (and who can resist beer!? Seriously?!) but now I’m back in the saddle..

Erm.. perhaps I should be careful with my words.

Last week I read a woman’s post about her husband cheating.. with her. She asked him to pretend she was someone he found very attractive. She asked him to talk to her like she was the other woman. She said, “He knew exactly what to say. He told me he had been jerking off and [having sex] with his wife while thinking of me.” She said he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea but went with her anyway because he’s used to her kinks.

Role playing certainly isn’t new. The pool boy, the teacher, the naughty school girl, the maid, etc. Those are generic characters to fantasize about and relatively “safe.” It gets a little more tricky when he begins to talk about his neighbor’s wife (Shh. Let’s not go there with the 10 Commandments).

Is it dangerous to rock the boat of a romantic relationship with a specific person in mind?

I’m not so sure it’s such a bad thing. It could be potentially very bad, which is obvious, but the first thing I see with this scenario is that she’s enjoying her husband’s enjoyment and they’re being very honest about fantasies they want to try.

The truth is people fantasize about someone other than their partner all the time. Someone they know, a celebrity, a character in a movie or a story, etc. It’s natural. We’re not monogamous creatures by nature, you know. We’re geared toward multiple partners but some of us, many of us, choose to commit to one (wonder where that came from? It feels nice though, doesn’t it? Do you think our longer life expectancy made this more difficult? Think thats why mid-life crisis is such an issue? Just throwin’ it out there. Nothing thought out).

I like the honesty in what they’re doing. I’m not sure why she was so turned on by the thought of him being with another woman behind her back but to each their own. I can say this; some of us use sexuality as a way to overcome fears. Maybe she just wanted to see how she’d feel.. maybe she wanted to give him room to feel like an animal. I’m not really sure but the idea is interesting.

Or perhaps a spade is just a spade. Maybe it’s hot because it’s wrong for her husband to do that and wrong for her to think it’s hot. Everyone has their thrill.

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