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That Porn Article

25 Oct

So this post has been going around:

Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed

Admittedly, I’ve been avoiding it a little bit. In principle, I like porn. Human beings gettin’ it on AND I get to watch AND they WANT me to watch? Yes, please. That sounds like a fantastic time (with someone or by myself). You could say I grew up watching porn-as soon as I was able to think about searching for porn and brave enough to actually do it, I did (don’t worry; plenty of my guy friends were all about “helping” me with this. No sweat). But porn 12-15 years ago was nothing like it is today. And porn in the early 2000’s is vastly different from the porn of the ’70s ’80s and ’90s.

The first porno I saw was at a sleepover birthday party (the friend was religious; go figure). I’ll never forget that flopping penis with hair everywhere attached to a man running through the fields. That image is burned in my brain forever. We couldn’t watch past it too much because we were feeling uncomfortable, not sure of what to do and too giggly.

Later on as an adult, I began to explore quite a bit. At one point, I was a huge Rocco Siffredi fan. I wish I could say I liked his earlier stuff the best but really, it was the darker stuff he began shooting later on in his career.

Exploring sexuality is important but we have normalized violence. There’s a fine line that’s crossed between both (or multiple) partners enjoying the danger and nastiness or taboo of something and like what the author of the post above points out: the fake smiles and false enjoyment. Once that’s burned into your brain, it normalizes it. It sets up a pattern of what is okay and acceptable. The brain is easily programmable (a gift and a curse): associate pleasure with someone else’s pain and we have a serious issue on our hands.

More sadistic porn will teach young men to derive pleasure from causing women pain — and I’m not talking about BDSM. I’m talking about “vanilla” porn where men fuck women in ways that hurt them. Jenna Jameson describes one of her more “epic” porn scenes with TT Boy in her autobiography:

He raced through the foreplay — a little kissing a little oral sex — then all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard that it took every ounce of control I had to stay focused and in the moment…. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot straight into my mouth. I wasn’t expecting him to pop so soon.

From Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed by Emma Lindsay

It is too frustrating and painful to watch most of the porn that’s out there. I’m hard pressed to find GOOD footage of a man seriously pleasure the hell out of a woman. Sometimes girl on girl porn will suffice but the obvious faking of it it just.. too annoying. There are very few (free) videos of a man enjoying licking and sucking a woman’s body parts and if it’s a decent scene, it’s short and she’s sucking his cock for a while. I can never watch the whole thing: I scan through to see where it goes.  Most of it is the guy fucking the woman hard.. Spreading her out..

Sometimes I get angry and yell back. OF COURSE she’s now sucking his cock for the next 10 goddamn minutes and then he fucks and spreads her in a multitude of ways and that’s fucking it. It’s always about the cock in mainstream porn.

*****

Men learned to get turned on by female suffering, and women expect to get turned on by their own suffering. But, suffering sucks, and a lot of women eventually decide they’d rather not have sex than suffer whenever they do.

From Porn Makes Men Terrible in Bed by Emma Lindsay

And that.. is the kicker. As a woman who prided herself for a long time on being able to “hang with the boys” in all areas of life (completely suppressing my femininity unless it was for sex-then I was all about the female charm), that hits home. Eventually, you start to feel worthless and inhuman because you can’t keep up anymore.

I’ll explore this a little more later but I’m curious to hear your thoughts on it, how you feel about the subject and you’ve experienced any of it.

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