In a discussion I had the other day, the topic of promiscuous women came up. In my experience of listening to men talk about women who have a “high number of sex partners,” there are many that express concern she might have sex with other men while in a relationship. Interestingly enough the term, “cheating” doesn’t typically come up even though that is what the fear is about.
In the distant past, I do remember women saying something similar about men who have had “a lot of sexual partners.” What constitutes as a lot is up to each individual. It seems that the more sexual partners an individual has had, the more afraid heterosexual men are of their partner cheating on them.
It seems that once an individual has a established they will say yes plenty of times, a fear is then created that the same person will not say no.. or say yes while they are in a relationship.
But what if they were promiscuous while they were single? Why does that have any bearing on a person’s sexual loyalty?
The way we think of sluts is bothersome to me. I understand why society thinks this way but it isn’t right. Just because we’ve been thinking this way doesn’t mean it is a helpful, truthful or just way of thinking about someone.
What’s ironic to me is that heterosexual men constantly joke about wanting pussy, and a lot of it. They fantasize about tons of it.. yet when it comes to the real deal, they are threatened by it.
I think this would be true of any person in either of these cast of characters (ex: a lesbian fantasizes about tons of pussy but when she has the opportunity or is with someone who has said yes to sex a lot, she could begin to think these things of her partner as well).
Why is it that when you get what you ask for, a woman who feels free enough to say yes, people are afraid she will somehow rob them or is being deceitful to them?
Why is saying yes to sex with many automatically means this same woman is a liar, a cheater, a vixen or any other case of negative characters. What happened to “innocent until proven guilty?” Why does it automatically mean she has an inability to say no? And why does it mean that she has low self esteem simply because she is willing to share her body?
Interesting because we don’t feel that same way about sharing ideas or minds, do we? Which is just as precious (and sacred as some would say) as anything else we possess in our Selves while we are alive.
(For the record, I don’t believe that saying “once a cheater, always a cheater.” It is more likely someone will cheat again if they have done it before, yes, but we are human beings and can learn from our mistakes too).
And I’m curious, do women have this same insecurity? I haven’t heard it for some time but perhaps that is because the circles I run in are quite different from the ones I used to. Do you ever feel this? Have you wondered about it after you’ve thought or felt it? Or do women “accept” men will cheat? How is it in the gay community? I don’t think it would be intrinsically different. I just haven’t heard anything for a long time.